


You can’t love me

by Bobo_is_tha_Bomb



Category: Gundam Wing
Genre: Angst, Drama, F/M, Hints at depression?, Hurt/Comfort, Reader Insert, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-12
Updated: 2020-08-12
Packaged: 2021-03-06 02:20:49
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,082
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25865800
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Bobo_is_tha_Bomb/pseuds/Bobo_is_tha_Bomb
Summary: Having a boyfriend that doesn’t accept compliments is not easy. Especially not when you’re dying to tell him how you feel about him.“You can’t love me,” he says finally, voice cold and flat.“Why not?”“You just can’t...”HeeroxReader
Relationships: Heero Yuy/Reader
Kudos: 6





	You can’t love me

**Author's Note:**

> I’m on a rollllllll... Seriously, what the hell. I’m shocked at my own amount of updates! This is a rewrite of another old one-shot. This one also used to be part of the Gundam Wing one-shot collection back in the day. 
> 
> I hope you enjoy reading it! :)
> 
> Disclaimer: I don’t own Gundam Wing, its characters, or you.

**You can’t love me**

You wake up when the first rays of sunlight caress over your face, pouring in through the crack in the curtains to warm your skin. You sigh sleepily and shift beneath the sheets, turning over to look at your lover. He is still sleeping, or pretending to do so. Heero is a light sleeper and it’s almost impossible to wake up before he does. But today he remains unmoving as you watch him, locks of his untamable hair framing his handsome face. His lashes are long and their shadows fan over his skin, oddly alluring. He lies there, completely relaxed, face serene. Almost… cute.

You had called him cute once and he hadn’t found that very amusing. He had told you he was anything but cute in a tone filled with so much self loathing you had started to wonder about his state of mind. You couldn’t understand why someone so beautiful and kind felt so unworthy of affection. It was not always easy, being with him. 

But you are always quick to forget about the tense moments whenever he gives you a fond look or shows you affection through his actions. Heero is not a man of words. He just shows you, sometimes without even thinking about it, how he feels.

It’s in he way he goes through his day, waking you up and dragging you out of bed to get ready for work, insisting on having lunch together, even if that means he has to leave Preventer HQ to make it to your office building. Or how he chases you through the park on your runs, the way he tucks you closer whenever you’re lounging on the couch together… The way he makes love to you…

He can be so passionate and he definitely knows how to please a woman. 

You smile fondly and snuggle closer to his warm body, throwing your arm around his waist as you do so. He is stirred from sleep by your movements and sighs, rolling onto his back and stretching languidly. You bite your lip as you watch muscles flex and move under his skin. Sometimes his beauty makes your throat ache. 

“Morning,” you mumble as you move closer once more, resting your head on his chest.

“Hmm…” He kisses the top of your head, his arm sliding around your shoulders. “Morning.”

Your finger draw aimless circles on his stomach, dipping into the ridges between his abs. You enjoy the feeling of his body against yours, his warm skin, and his heart beat drumming steadily beneath your ear. A perfect quiet morning. 

And a lazy one at that. Heero has no scruples with that. On some days he lies on the couch for hours, on his stomach, doing absolutely nothing. It’s not like he doesn’t earn his right to be lazy. His job is so crazy sometimes you can’t fault him for it.

You lift your head from his chest to smile at him. His gaze softens and he reaches out to touch your cheek. You push yourself up, pressing a gentle kiss against his lips. 

Your smile is syrupy sweet when you pull back. “It’s your turn to do the laundry today.”

He groans.

You can’t stop the bubble of laughter building in your throat. “You’re a lazy bastard, Heero.”

“I’m not,” he protests halfheartedly. 

He really isn’t, but he just loathes doing laundry. 

You fold your hands on his chest and rest your chin upon them, and simply lie looking at him. He stares back, his eyes warm. You feel a smile tug at your lips and allow it to form and his lips tilt into a small smile in answer.

Heero never smiles fully. The slight tilting of his lips is a treasure itself and you cherish it.

The moment is rather sweet, and your heart is warm with your love for him. It’s never easy to keep the words from him, knowing how he reacts whenever you pay him anything close to a compliment. You know he won’t accept the words, just as he won’t accept being called cute. It’s the main reason why you had never told him before.

But even so… 

The words are burning on your tongue. 

He notices that the smile leaves your face and a frown forms a line between his eyebrows. “Is something wrong?” 

“What?” you question. “No… No, nothing is wrong.” 

You press your face into his chest to hide your expression from him and wait for the moment to pass. But he is relentless and hooks his fingers under your chin, forcing you to look at him again.

“You can tell me,” he says quietly.

You bite your lip and shake your head. “I better not.” 

“Why not?” 

“Because…” You shake your head and turn your gaze away. But he seems insistent and you’ve been longing to tell him. The words tumble out before you can stop them. “I love you.”

His body tenses up, muscles going completely rigid at your confession. He is silent, his eyes blank. You smile sadly and wrap your arms around him. He is in his head, telling himself that he doesn’t deserve to be loved. The unrelenting soldier in him has come to the surface. It always appears when you try to show him how much you care, but he has never gone this cold before. 

“Heero, say something,” you whisper against his skin.

“You can’t love me,” he says finally, voice cold and flat.

“Why not?” 

“You just can’t...” He takes your hands away from his body and slides out from under you. He is out of bed the next instant and gets dressed. 

You grab your robe and slip out of bed, reaching for his hand. “Heero… Please, talk to me?” 

He doesn’t look at you and pulls his hand from your grasp. You stare at him in bewilderment as he stalks from the room and set out to follow him.

He is already at the front door, pulling on his running shoes.

“Heero!” 

Without looking back, he opens the door and steps outside, leaving you standing in the living room in shock. What the hell had just happened?

It’s difficult to control the tears when your heart is breaking into a thousand tiny pieces. This was the exact reason why you didn’t talk about feelings. 

He just left… As if you’re nothing. 

But that’s not it. It’s because he thinks he is nothing, unworthy of love because of the blood on his hands. Usually, when he has spells like this, you leave him alone for a few hours, let him process the mood by himself and wordlessly offer him comfort when he seeks you out. But he has never left before. 

The tears break free of your control and slide down your cheeks. You press a hand over your mouth to stifle the sobs building in your throat. This was not what you had meant for when you told him. And the hurt… it’s just terrible, agonizing. 

You retreat back to the bedroom and collapse on the bed. But as you lay sobbing, you realize that the sheets smell like him. He has left, but you are still surrounded by him. Somehow it makes the pain worse.

-x-x-x-

You are woken by the consistent ringing of your phone. You’re up in an instant and pick up, pushing your tangled hair out of your face as you walk into the living room. 

“Hello?” You try to keep your tone calm and fail miserably.

“It’s Duo. Uhm… Heero showed up here a couple of hours ago and I don’t know what to do with him.” 

You sigh in relief and feel a spark of hope. If Heero has gone to Duo’s place he is not beyond reach. He knows Duo will call you. 

“Is he okay?” you ask frantically. “Should I come over?” 

“I dunno… he refuses to talk to me.” Duo sighs. “Maybe he’ll listen to you.” 

“I’m coming over.” 

You are quick to hang up and dash into the bathroom for a quick shower. You’re out the door soon after, not bothering with make-up to hide the fact that you had been crying earlier. 

When you arrive at Duo’s place you sit in your car a little while longer, taking a few deep breaths to calm you raging heart and the nerves that swirl wildly in your stomach. You scramble out of the car on unsteady legs and feel faint when you reach the door.

The door swings open, telling you that Duo had been waiting for your arrival. 

“He’s in the backyard,” he tells you quietly, then falls silent as he notices the way you look. “You look like shit, but so does he.” 

“Gee, thanks,” you utter sarcastically.

He gives you a grin. “I have to pick up some groceries. I’ll give you an hour.” 

That has to be enough to convince Heero to come back. 

Duo gives you a grin and is out the door the next moment. You take a deep breath as you close the door. Swallowing thickly, you turn around and walk through the house towards the backdoor.

You find Heero in one of the lounge chairs. His posture is slumped, his expression as blank as earlier. Your heart breaks for him all over again. 

“Heero?” 

He jolts in his seat and whips his head around to look at you. His eyes are wide with shock at you appearance. “What are you doing here?” 

You quickly move forward and crawl into his lap, wrapping your arms around him. “You left.” 

He sits rigidly for a moment and then slumps into your arms. “I needed to think.” 

His voice is hoarse and he sounds hopelessly lost.

“Is the idea that I love you so repulsive?” You murmur the question into his hair and feel your heart beat speed up with your fear of his answer.

“I… I’m not good…” he says.

“Nonsense,” you snap. 

“It’s true. How can you….”

“You don’t get to tell me how I should feel, Heero,” you fight to keep your tone gentle. “It’s not for you to decide.” 

He swallows audibly. 

“You can’t run from it either. It will only hurt you.” 

“I’m sorry…” 

You clutch at him and press your face into his hair. “You left…” 

_It’s just another bad spell,_ you tell yourself and feverishly wish for it to be true. You pull back and cup his cheeks, forcing him to look at you. 

“Don’t run off like that again,” you tell him. “Seriously. You scare me when you do that.” 

He is staring at you, his eyes dark with his conflicting emotions. “I… I won’t. I promise.”

It has to be enough, that promise. You lean in and press your lips against his, and your heart jumps in your chest with relief and joy when he kisses you back, yanking you closer so you’re crushed against his chest. 

“I can’t help that I love you, you know,” you murmur against his lips. “I just do.” 

He pulls back and turns his face away from you.

“Don’t,” you say softly. “Don’t pull away from me again. I’m not expecting the words back.” 

He looks at you then, some sort of wonder in his gaze. “W-what?” 

You lean in and brush your lips over his.

“You communicate in actions,” you tell him carefully. You feel as if you’re still treading on thin ice, even though he hasn’t loosened his hold on you. “I don’t need you to tell me that you love me. I know you do.” 

His hand comes up, cupping your cheek. “What did I do to deserve you?” 

He doesn’t deny your words. A small, hopeful smile comes to play over your face. “I think you’re wonderful.”

Normally, words like that make him scoff, but now his lips twitch. “Do you?” 

“Yes.”

You kiss him again and sigh as he takes it deeper, keeping you pressed against him. When he pulls back, he smiles at you. It’s not his normal, barely there smile. This smile is wide, revealing his white teeth, and it reaches his eyes, making them sparkle in a way he hasn’t shown you before. 

You sit in stunned silence for a moment, taking in the way he looks and committing it to memory. And then a warm smile forms on your own face. You know his acceptance of your love is milestone.

He is so beautiful. And he is all yours. 

**\- End -**


End file.
